I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
