you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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