he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
