Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
