Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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