Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
