my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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