Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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