Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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