Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
