thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is that strawberry winking at me??
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
