I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
