I just cut my nipple shaving
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
