I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
