Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I love you.
Bad choice
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
