Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
