I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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