you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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