he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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