Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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