gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
