it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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