you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
