That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
