I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
