Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
