dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it because I queefed?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
