bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
