pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
