Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
