You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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