Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I looked at my own cervix.
My balls are so social today.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
