He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
