I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
