its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ttyl tear gas
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
