he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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