I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
