I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
