my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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