If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
