Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I will be naked everywhere
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.