some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Randomize
