you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!