Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"

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(513): god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is" http://tfl.nu/c0jq

Replies (36) Good night (1304) Bad night (4245)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?

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(318): Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch? http://tfl.nu/y5pd

Replies (17) Good night (10251) Bad night (837)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.

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(828): I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse. http://tfl.nu/gxwi

Replies (14) Good night (4330) Bad night (927)
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(770): View more from Georgia

just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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(770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko

Replies (118) Good night (27447) Bad night (4598)
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(315): View more from New York

THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!

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(315): THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7uwm

Replies (14) Good night (6757) Bad night (1269)
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(404): View more from Georgia

he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off

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(404): he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off http://tfl.nu/rmt4

Replies (33) Good night (2010) Bad night (7046)
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(858): View more from California

It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.

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(858): It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain. http://tfl.nu/y8ei

Replies (16) Good night (6999) Bad night (992)
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(315): View more from New York

i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.

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(315): i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over. http://tfl.nu/n0ys

Replies (15) Good night (8604) Bad night (1184)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.

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(302): I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket. http://tfl.nu/5q0l

Replies (10) Good night (3270) Bad night (1055)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.

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(704): Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people. http://tfl.nu/g4iv

Replies (6) Good night (3637) Bad night (790)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?

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(615): Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes? http://tfl.nu/jms8

Replies (49) Good night (915) Bad night (5570)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.

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(603): Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it. http://tfl.nu/oyn2

Replies (1) Good night (732) Bad night (340)
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(319): View more from Iowa

This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...

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(319): This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left... http://tfl.nu/s9na

Replies (1) Good night (535) Bad night (420)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.

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(785): Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons. http://tfl.nu/zvq7

Replies (1) Good night (676) Bad night (190)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

You can wear anything you want

(704): View more from North Carolina

So... Naked it is then

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(262): You can wear anything you want (704): So... Naked it is then http://tfl.nu/h72c

Replies (1) Good night (815) Bad night (204)

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