and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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