it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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