i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
