So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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