let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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