Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
