You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
