I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
