Just fell off a train. Bad.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
