I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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