I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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