remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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