Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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