im about as happy as oj after his trial
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.