How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You smell like a Billy Joel song
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
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i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??