We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis