Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life