I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
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reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
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Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers