HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito