Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
