His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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