apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
