i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
