I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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