ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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