I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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