i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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