I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize